Assignment Questions

A child is pure, as an adult I have a pang of jealousy towards them because they can not see past nap time, they don't have a fear of whats to come with the future or have been tainted by life. They find joy in the ribbon on the gift, and toss the gift aside, they believe in the fat man dressed in red who brings those gifts, they believe that money is easy to come by....just leave your tooth under the pillow, or set up a lemonade stand on the sidewalk....#3.50!!! "We're Rich!" A child is a parents true love.

A book is an escape from life, whether that is a good escape or a torturous escape is up to the reader. A book is a way of life, the key to knowledge and power, and also a weakness if you spend all your life in books, you will never experience the real world around you. Shiny and new, or binding broke and pages wrinkled with the tears it caused, or the water from the tub as is slipped from your fingers....or spilled coffee because you have not slept in two days because it's finals week, a book is open until it is closed.

Nature is......nature. It is the open, the wild and also in a sense the tame, not to the civilized world is it tame, but it is tame in the sense that that is all there ever was, people in nature, they went hand in hand. It is outside, natural, trees and animals, birds and beasts, a night of bad sleep from rolling around in poison ivy with Spot, itchy legs from being eaten alive by giant mosquitoes.....waking with the fresh air, standing, and looking at the amazing view that is painted before you, with the big sky in all its glory, the snow tipped mountains, and the river water so clear you can see the fish. Nature is happiness, peacefulness, its terrifying, and awe inspiring.....a connection to the greater being that is earth.

Why Not Real Stories?

Humpty Dumpty fell off the wall....but what kind of life did he live before he fell off....and why was he sitting up there in the first place? And why are fairy tales, generally, so happy. We all know they're happy, because it's a fairy tale, and I see now as a very much needed escape from real life. I went to a funeral today, obviously sad and had a huge effect on me. He was only 22, already accomplished so much, and was now gone. It's in no way fair. Where are all the kings horses and all the kings men to come and put him together again. Where is the nasty sea witch to cut his siblings hair in order for his life to come back. Where is the fairy god mother to tink her wand on his family and the church filled with mostly young adults all under 25....where is she to make everything better? I suppose there is a fairy tale somewhere hidden in this mess, although I cant think of one now. I had a huge feeling come over me, which often times does when people around you are sad....you want to make them happy....should I have ran to the front of the church, whipped out my large orange fairy tale book and read them a story with a happy ending? Because fairy tales heal all, they help everything, I should have. Maybe the strangeness of it all would have at least taken their minds off of why we were all there. Why don't parents read their children real stories...once upon a time there was a young prince who died, his family and friends were sad and confused, they went home, went back to school, went back to work. They will always remember him. The end. That's not what people want to believe, that's not what I want to believe. And all lived happily ever after! The end. That's what we all deserve.

Ignorant Bliss

You will never in a million years believe this story! Jake was always on his phone, running up the bill to insane amounts and his parents were sick of it. It was a cold day in Los Angeles, and Jake’s dad sent Jake on an errand that lead him to down town L.A where it was very hard to find anything. He gave his son directions that were two pages long and sent him on his way. It took Jake two hours to get to the appliance store to put in an order for their new oven. As he was leaving he realized that he had left his directions on the sales counter and the store clerk had taken them and had just shredded them because they were just left there and he was going to recycle paper that day. Jake remembered that he had on star in his car and would be able to use that to get back home. He had gotten about three turns into his directions when the system shut off, he called to get it turned back on but the lady on the other end of the phone said that his parents had the service shut off. Right then his battery on his phone went dead and they were disconnected. He drove around for hours getting on and off random highways, going down one ways and became lost in the maze of the city. He drove around all night until he ran out of gas in Ghettos, and decided to just lock the door, get some sleep, and look for help in the morning, because he didn’t know what was going to be lurking down the dark shadows of the alley ways. When the morning sun made its appearance Jake began to walk in search of a phone. After five hours of being lost in a town that seemed foreign Jake’s determined steps turned into a trudge until he rounded a corner in the middle of a deserted street and saw something odd, but exactly what he was looking for. It was a little building at the back of a dark alley that was completely covered with all different kinds of cell phone chargers and electric outlets! Jake didn’t give a second thought as he ran up to the building and frantically tugged at and plugged in the different chargers until he found the one that fit his dead phone. Out of a side door walked a hunched over, emaciated Verizon wireless rep with his blue tooth blinking in his right ear. He lured Jake in with an offer to upgrade his text and picture messaging. The door slammed shut behind him! The evil rep made Jake take a survey to get the upgrade. As Jake sat down and started to take the survey and he realized it was less like a survey and more like an exam. It had math, science, English, and computer questions. The rep graded it when Jake was done, it must have been unsatisfactory so the rep handcuffed Jake to the table. For the next few days the evil man lectured on the topics on the “survey” and made Jake take more and more exams saying…”you’re not smart enough yet….study more and I’ll come back to check on you later.” Eventually Jake passed these exams and while the rep was celebrating a piece of paper from his tablet fell to the floor where Jake could read a plan to take his brain from him and use it in experiments! Jake waited until the next morning when the rep un-cuffed him so he could eat some granola, and he did a quick Chinese fighting move and before the rep knew what had happened he was in Jake's place, handcuffed to the table. As revenge Jake turned on the T.V. to an all day marathon of what not to wear so the Verizon wireless nerd became dumber and dumber with each passing commercial. Jake escaped with the reps fully loaded BMW, complete with on star. Jake decided to live technology free because of all the trouble it caused him ,an he lived him ignorant bliss.

No Pebbles No Crust

When I look at this picture.....after reading the tale of Hansel and Gretel.....I am very thankful that my family was able to afford food.....or else my dad would have left us here in this park....and I didn't bring any moon lit pebbles OR crusts of bread!!!

Crazy Cravings

So today our class discussions about the wife longing for the veggies just over the fence reminded me of my mother.....when she was pregnant with me. During this time she had CRAZY CRAVINGS for peanut butter...anything and everything peanut butter! She became so crazy that my father had to go out at all hours of the night to find something along those lines....usually to the local 24 hour filling station for candies.....she said if she didn't get that peanut butter she would just die!!! He would come back and dump the contents of the brown paper sack on the bed and she ate the candies up Ravenously!!!! He never did get caught by the evil keeper of the peanut butter... but the store clerks working the night shift did come to know him well....And all lived happily ever after, and they had a new baby girl to bring home :)

The Hidden Door

I was doing a homework assignment for my crative writing class, and found this ironic peom in the archives of the Valparaiso Poetry Review website:

HIDDEN DOOR, by Jared Carter

The old stories do not end the way you were told.

Hansel and Gretel do not escape from the witch's house;

they decide to stay. Ali Baba does not emerge from the cave,

but enters a subterranean chamber that goes on for miles.
At every juncture there is always a hidden door.

When the characters step through, they enter a realm

having no resemblance to the world the rest of us know.

The old stories are never about what happens next,
but about the glass vial on the table. After days of heat,

you hear three sharp raps, and look out and see

winter coming through the forest—neither rain nor snow,

but a wind stripping the leaves and stiffening the grass.
© by Jared Carter

Do NOT talk to Strainers!

When my brother Cahle and I were youngsters, my parents had a very effective way of disciplining us. They didn't do it all themselves though, they brought the "crusty old man" in as their secret weapon to scare us into listening them!!

At the dinner table my brother and I decided to boycott eating what was for dinner, mostly our vegetables, and we sat there, and sat there, and sat there (meow meow meow meow meow....just kidding Dr. Sexson) Eventually my mother gave up the threats of no bed time story (ironic?) and desert, and resorted to our worst fear as children. She went to the phone..."if you guys wont finish your dinner like good kids, then you don't deserve to live in this nice house with us, you deserve to live with the crusty old man...he wont make you eat your dinner...would you like that? Ill just call him to come and pick you two up....go pack your pillow, while I make the call" She would dial, meanwhile the children at the table were big eyed and silent....."hello....crusty old man, Cassi and Cahle are not listening to me, you would like to have them?" Cahle being the youngest, 6 at this time, started to cry and on the spot....you know, those real big crocodile tears that you were real, me on the other hand...I stayed strong, I didn't cry, but I ate that whole plate of cold broccoli in about 30 seconds and thanked her for dinner....she called the crusty old man back and told him never mind, she would keep us for a while longer. I can't begin to explain how frickin scared I was of this person, to be honest....it still might work!

Pay Pit Doll Pit Doll

Pay Pit Doll Pit Doll

The fat ofend da little

Ta meow lump duh cover da toon

Ta sit tall fog taffed who be much done,

Andy fish rand pay wiggle coon

by Cassi Clampitt

Hey diddle diddle,
The cat and the fiddle,
The cow jumped over the moon.
The little dog laughed to see such fun,
And the dish ran away with the spoon.

Fairy Tales?

The fairy tale that we read in class was a scary tale!!! I could not imagine reading that to my cousins...or my own children for that matter. I can just see it now...my children would never again eat apples and and would always hide under random objects when outside for fear that the bird flying above them would drop something heavy on them a squish them to the ground!!! Perhaps I will tweak it a bit....later. I can see a pattern for this class, and I am liking it! And now I must retire to my dungeon....or perhaps a library cubical, and read for the next 6 hours...and still not be caught up....senior year is amazing!!! Enjoy the pics :)